Banu is studying to be a medical office assistant. She sometimes finds it hard to work and socialize because of her mobility issues and chronic health conditions. I feel like I can't go on a hike — I don't want to feel like I want to slow anybody down. And there are definitely tougher moments. Banu is single and spends her spare time volunteering and going to the movies with her friends, and obsessing over Loki. This, in addition to her mobility issues, made it hard to figure out where she "fit in.

And I just kind of figured, 'yeah, that was me. And he was saying he was studying this and told me asexuality was not a real thing. It made me laugh but at the same time it was very odd," Banu says. Go after what you like. Also, sexuality is fluid. So you don't have to label yourself one thing and stay the same. You can be whatever you are.

Banu says that through having access to information, and more importantly her friends and community, she was able to feel better about who she was as a person. She think it's important for people with disabilities to be involved in discussions around sex and sexuality. Because you might not know there are other people like you who think the same way.

I know I felt really closed off, especially in school. It's important to have these discussions, especially in school, whether it's with their disability or about something with their sexuality. Whatever it is would just make us feel more welcome. I am exploring the ways I relate to concepts like gender, sexuality and relationship structure in the societal rules we are influenced by. I do it all while being dressed like a human rainbow," says Raven. Because I'm like, 'No you have to accept that this is my diagnosis,'" says Raven.

I love to research everything. I like learning about everything, and being able to make more informed choices when I know more about my sexuality and how to be safe. And I think communicating with your partner is huge," says Raven. And you're not a burden. You're not going to wreck it.

They are not worth your time. You are amazing. There is someone out there who is amazing. Someone who will be there for you, and take care of you, and you don't have to feel like a burden," Raven says. These women were able to share their stories, good and bad. The whole idea is that this piece helps open the door to more discussions and to continue the conversation.

It is far from the first but with hope and open minds it is definitely not the last. Speaking with these women about their different experiences, I couldn't help but think about how sharing these stories has helped me. I see a reflection of a universal experience in each element — from uncertainty, to discovering self-acceptance, and being comfortable in your own skin. Such conversations can be awkward, and the sharing difficult. But for many women living with disabilities, it's a place to start in hopes for continued discussions and finding voice.

If you or someone you know has questions and would like more information about starting their own discussion, you can find other resources and support through the Centre for Sexuality — Calgary. Sarah Harrower has a journalism degree from Calgary's Mount Royal University.

She loves sports, movies, and sharing stories and voices that matter through her work at CBC News. Pseudonyms will no longer be permitted. By submitting a comment, you accept that CBC has the right to reproduce and publish that comment in whole or in part, in any manner CBC chooses.

Please note that CBC does not endorse the opinions expressed in comments. Comments on this story are moderated according to our Submission Guidelines. Comments are welcome while open.

We reserve the right to close comments at any time. Join the conversation Create account. Already have an account? Calgary 5 women share their stories about life and dating with a disability Through conversations and in speaking out to the larger community, people with disabilities can help break down misinformation and misconceptions when it comes to navigating romance and their sexuality.

Social Sharing. Sarah Harrower · for CBC News · Posted: Nov 13, AM MT Last Updated: November 23, Dating is hard. Dating as a young woman with a disability comes with its own challenges.

But occasionally there can be strange attitudes from the latter. Lisa Jenkins, 38, had been set up on a date with a friend of a friend who didn't know she had cerebral palsy. I tried to walk down but I just couldn't, there was no rail to hold onto. Jenkins's date asked if she was all right, at which point she had to tell him about her cerebral palsy.

It was quite interesting really. You're supposed to fancy the birds who are 5ft 9in and blonde, after all. One potential date told Jenkins: "I've always fancied some kinky sex.

Murray, who is in her 30s, agrees that sex is often at the heart of what people are thinking and, after 20 years of being disabled, still seems taken aback by the comments she receives from would-be dates. When internet dating became popular, many disabled people took to it thinking they could hide their disability.

But it was soon appreciated that if you want to actually date someone, you can't hide behind your laptop forever. A new complexity developed - should you be upfront and tell people you are disabled, or let them get to know your real personality first and reveal the disability later? Murray has done both. In the end, because I was nervous, I didn't say, and any photos were just waist up. Eschewing specialist disabled sites, Murray used only mainstream dating services.

Only one guy ever backed out at that stage, saying that was slightly more baggage than he could deal with which was honest at least, if a little narrow minded. In my profile I put something light-hearted like - if their interests were hiking up Everest I wouldn't be able to join them but I'd wait around at base camp and try to keep the tent warm.

I went into the top five most liked women of the week. The Undateables starts on Channel 4 on Tuesday 3 April at BST. Here is a selection of readers' stories on dating and disability. The Undateables - Channel 4. The participants in Channel 4's The Undateables. Adrian Higginbotham, who is blind, says dating difficulties start with making first contact.

Shannon Murray says physical access is paramount on dates. Then there is just downright weirdness. Lisa Jenkins, who has cerebral palsy, has encountered unusual attitudes. But Murray wanted to try another more direct approach.

Related Internet Links.

The world of disability and dating is being examined in new series The Undateables. But what are some of the dating complexities that disabled people face, asks Damon Rose.

It goes without saying that you can't lump all disabled people together when discussing this most personal of all subjects. The barriers to dating, and having a successful relationship, are different depending on your disability and circumstances. Adrian Higginbotham, 37, is blind and explains that for him, the difficulties start with making first contact, the starting point for any relationship.

You can't smile at someone you have seen twice before walking down that same street. Anybody blind doesn't know if the person sitting on the train next to them is the one they sat next to yesterday or if they're someone who works in their building three floors up.

They can't have nodding relationships that could go further. When thinking about the basic blocks of relationship building, little can be more basic than choosing who you spend your time with. But not everyone has that choice. Channel 4's The Undateables features many people with learning difficulties and introduces us to a dating agency, Stars in the Sky, which helps put people in touch with each other.

Lydia Jones is one of their chaperones - she makes sure that clients get to the date venue safely and that they meet the right person, but she also helps tackle lulls in conversations. Stars in the Sky is a small charity which has organised more than dates since starting in So far it has been the catalyst for one marriage, one same-sex ceremony, three engagements and about 15 longer-term relationships. Physical access gets top billing in terms of importance for wheelchair user Shannon Murray, a model who was the face of a recent publicity campaign for Debenhams.

She doesn't intend to get caught out by a date who might see her struggling up steps and be put off before the date even starts.

On a first date I am worried that guys come to the table believing I'm needy or not independent. I need to be completely in control. She feels that some of her relationships may have failed because of "over-independence" and her drive to never show vulnerability. Disability campaigners believe changes to benefits under the Welfare Reform Act will make things harder.

In a recent entry for the Liberal Conspiracy blog, campaigner Lisa Egan suggests the changes make it harder for disabled people to have relationships. Employment Support Allowance ESA will now be taken away from someone if they have a partner who earns more than £7,, she explains. I am one of the most determinedly independent characters on the planet.

I could never put myself into a situation where my partner was expected to 'keep' me. The Undateables programme has been vigorously discussed on social media over the last few weeks but mostly because the title is a provocative one.

No-one likes to think that they're "undateable" but it is accepted that, for various reasons, being disabled can decrease the chances of romance. Though many disabled people are happily married or dating with no difficulties, others do face a complex range of reactions. Those with a disability date a variety of people - both disabled and non-disabled. But occasionally there can be strange attitudes from the latter. Lisa Jenkins, 38, had been set up on a date with a friend of a friend who didn't know she had cerebral palsy.

I tried to walk down but I just couldn't, there was no rail to hold onto. Jenkins's date asked if she was all right, at which point she had to tell him about her cerebral palsy. It was quite interesting really. You're supposed to fancy the birds who are 5ft 9in and blonde, after all. One potential date told Jenkins: "I've always fancied some kinky sex. Murray, who is in her 30s, agrees that sex is often at the heart of what people are thinking and, after 20 years of being disabled, still seems taken aback by the comments she receives from would-be dates.

When internet dating became popular, many disabled people took to it thinking they could hide their disability. But it was soon appreciated that if you want to actually date someone, you can't hide behind your laptop forever. A new complexity developed - should you be upfront and tell people you are disabled, or let them get to know your real personality first and reveal the disability later? Murray has done both. In the end, because I was nervous, I didn't say, and any photos were just waist up.

Eschewing specialist disabled sites, Murray used only mainstream dating services. Only one guy ever backed out at that stage, saying that was slightly more baggage than he could deal with which was honest at least, if a little narrow minded. In my profile I put something light-hearted like - if their interests were hiking up Everest I wouldn't be able to join them but I'd wait around at base camp and try to keep the tent warm.

I went into the top five most liked women of the week. The Undateables starts on Channel 4 on Tuesday 3 April at BST. Here is a selection of readers' stories on dating and disability. The Undateables - Channel 4. The participants in Channel 4's The Undateables. Adrian Higginbotham, who is blind, says dating difficulties start with making first contact. Shannon Murray says physical access is paramount on dates.

Then there is just downright weirdness. Lisa Jenkins, who has cerebral palsy, has encountered unusual attitudes. But Murray wanted to try another more direct approach. Related Internet Links.

Sykes, T. Sign-up below to get your copy today! So their self-gratification becomes more important in my life and that's been a problem. Adults without obvious physical disabilities most commonly misrepresent themselves in terms of their physical appearance, the characteristic that daters most highly value in their potential partners. My amputation was always front and center in my photos. Mental Health Addiction Anxiety ADHD Asperger's Autism Bipolar Disorder Chronic Pain Depression Eating Disorders.

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